We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
