paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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