btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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