like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
