you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
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