just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
