was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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