the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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