Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
