Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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