He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
