everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
