Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
