And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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