I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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