we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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