I only kidnapped one of them. chill
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
