It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
