Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You were trust falling into bushes
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
