I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
