I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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