haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Randomize
