wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
