the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Did we literally take a cab across the street
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Randomize
