all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
