What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize