What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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