my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
