dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
So many bounce houses so little time
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
