Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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