I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize