so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
