Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
