Now he's lighting his socks on fire
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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