i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
