My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
