a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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