So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
