I have demons in me.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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