you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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