i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
