How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
