My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
