Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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