Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
