Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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