just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
