i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
PS: I just woke up from my shower
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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