Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
