I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
