how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
