I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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