I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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