he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Best friends brother. Beat that.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
