the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
