I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
