no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
As shirtless as possible
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
