We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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