I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
