Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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