There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I am one with the molecules
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
