At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
