I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
