So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
