i barfeds in our rink
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
