So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize