Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
