just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
