In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
