how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I can't turn off my feet"
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
