I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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