Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
