Fuck appropriateness.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
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